The Beast of Conquest: Why Conservative Men Seek Left-Leaning Women
Dear Reader,
I will admit I’ve been finding it difficult to sit and write a new article.
While my arguments are not objective in the slightest, they are still research-based and supported by “logic.” Yet, over the last few weeks/months, I have been running on emotion. I have experienced heartbreak and grief. I have experienced rage and fury. I have felt immense disappointment. Above all, I have been mourning the plight of womanhood.
Yet, amidst that mourning, the joys of female friendship are always emphasized. My experience has been incredibly dichotomous: deep and painful grief at the (renewed) realization that men1 will never view me as a multi-faceted human being versus the overwhelming joy and fulfillment that is being understood and loved in all your complexity and depth by other women.
There is nothing new about either of these “realizations.” I’ve been well acquainted with these two feelings for a long time. I believe the new factor in the equation of my life is “singledom.” I have been experiencing a newfound freedom and confidence I had no prior experience with - either in adulthood or earlier. My priority is myself. My goal is fulfillment. My unwillingness to deviate from my core values and my dedication to myself are hard-line; inflexible; resolute.
As I step back into the “dating” scene for the first time in years (I am not particularly interested in a relationship but you get the point), I feel I have been slapped in the face by the realization that a male partner who truly, deeply understands the plight of women - as much as possible from a male perspective - is incredibly hard to find. I knew this, but to really experience it outside of the safe space of a validating relationship has been devastating. There are far more men who tell you “it’s not that serious” than ones who agree with you that it is.
Through all of this - all of these emotions, all this disappointment, all this joy, and through many, many, many journal entries - I have landed on this topic: The Beast of Conquest: Why Conservative Men Seek Left-Leaning Women. A topic chosen out of frustration and supported by research.
Thank you for listening.
All the Ladies to the Left, All the Boys to the Right
The Start of It All
The 1960s saw the beginning of increasing American divorce and non-marriage rates. Thanks to the passing of “no-fault” divorce laws, either party in a union could file for divorce without the need to prove fault - a requirement that often came at the disadvantage of women.
Access to divorce caused a shift in traditional views of marital roles where the man is viewed as the provider and the woman as the child-bearer and homemaker. At the same time, more women were entering the workforce.2
Women were now able to divorce their partners without burden of proof and more capable of sustaining themselves through increased labor force participation. Nonetheless, women were still more likely to be poorer when single and wealthier when married due to gender-based income inequality. Contrastingly, men are wealthier when single and poorer when married, as marriage often necessitates a transfer of resources from man to woman as the man fulfills the traditional role of provider or primary earner (due to the status quo).
It is understood that changes in income often dictate changes in political values. As divorce rates increased, women became poorer, ultimately leaning left. Simultaneously, men became wealthier, pushing them right. Here, we see the emergence of the political gender gap.3
The political gender gap is exactly as it sounds, referring specifically to the tendency of middle-income women to lean left and middle-income men to lean right, and the way these are impacted by marriage/divorce status.
The interests of the two groups began to diverge. As women found survival outside of marriage possible, their political focus became redistributive policies that would help curb the effects of gender inequality. As men found themselves more wealthy and increasingly “unmarried,” they sought to preserve the status quo in order to retain their wealth by opposing redistributive policies.
Ultimately, a clear trend and relationship was established between increasing divorce rates, increasing female labor force participation, and political polarization as a result of diverging self-interests.
What’s That Gotta Do with Me?
Due to the extreme political polarization born of the “Trump age,” concern surrounding lower-than-ever marriage rates and the political gender gap is more prevalent as ever.
Over the last two years, articles upon articles have been published about the impact that gendered political differences will have on the institution of marriage. “Something’s gotta give” was the main argument made by a November 2023 Washington Post op-ed discussing this issue. An unseemly relationship is established between increasing non-marriage rates due to political divergence and increasing men’s unemployment and drug use and lower upper education attainment, pinning men’s struggles on (leftist) women’s unwillingness to marry.
This op-ed is right in saying that political ideology has become increasingly personal, often considered a core part of a young person’s identity. Yet, the Post argues if “we” can’t compromise and give up our hopes of sameness in marriage, then we are bound to lives of mediocrity and unhappiness.
I present an alternative argument. The issue is not left-leaning or liberal stubbornness. Political ideology is increasingly shaped by lived experience. Women are leaning towards political ideologies that prioritize their safety in a world that is increasingly violent towards women.
If political ideology is a core tenet of an individual’s identity, and if political ideology is shaped by lived experience, being with someone who does not share your same political beliefs feels invalidating to your lived experience. More clearly, feminist women are increasingly unwilling to date men who argue that it is ”not that serious” when our lived, every day experience tells us that it is.
The Beast of Conquest
Why the Obsession?
There are a couple arguments to be made here.
Conservative men view liberal women as kinder and more caring partners than conservative women.
Author and librarian Shanna Miles posted a Tik Tok in June of 2023 arguing that conservative men prefer liberal women for the same attributes that they criticize liberal men for. That is, conservative men assign liberal men feminine attributes (easily dominated, caring, soft) that they tend to seek out in romantic partners.
The screenshot below seems to reflect this same belief: conservative men think liberal women will treat them better.
Conservative men seek to conquer liberal women.
The institution of marriage becomes less and less attractive to women as they increasingly see men as having “less to offer.” Record high rates of job force participation, the lessening of the gender pay gap, and the percentage of women in higher education surpassing men means that marriage is no longer necessary for female survival.
The status quo has shifted. Men have less control over women. As a result, conservative men have become entranced with the idea of re-establishing the status quo in their interpersonal relationships with women. They seek to “domesticate” the “free feminist” as a way of preserving the institution of American marriage.
The more unattainable the woman, the more attracted conservative men seem to be. They are attracted to the “exotic beast” that is a liberal or left-leaning woman.
Necessary caveat:
Of course, many arguments can be made here from every perspective. Maybe conservative men actually dislike feminist women because they view them as more aggressive and independent, compared to their more docile or cooperative female conservative counterparts. Maybe feminist women seek out conservative men for their more “manly” attributes (i.e. dominant; controlling/guiding), choosing to dislike liberal men for the same reasons conservative men do.
Ultimately, my argument is (semi) based on the following stats:
Around 43% of dating “Democrats say they would not consider being in a relationship with a Republican.” Contrastingly, only around 24% “of Republicans who are looking for a relationship… say they probably or definitely would not seriously da†e a Democrat.”4
When you add the 2020 candidates into the equation:
Around 71% of Democratic daters “say they probably or definitely would not consider being in a committed relationship with someone who voted for Donald Trump.” Contrastingly, only 47% of Republican daters say they “probably or definitely would not consider being in a committed relationship with someone who voted for Hillary Clinton.”5
Considering that Democratic daters are 1.65 times LESS likely to date someone on the other side of the political spectrum, the assumption can be made that Democratic or left-leaning individuals view their political beliefs as an integral part of their personality and ultimately view sameness in politics as a core requirement in their romantic relationships. Conservative daters are the opposite, viewing sameness in politics as significantly less important to their relationship needs, possibly supporting why conservative men are so comfortable seeking out liberal women.
Final Thoughts
Conservative men enjoy the idea of a feminist woman, ultimately viewing us as single-faceted stereotypes.
To conservative men, we are not feminist because it aligns with our lived experiences. It must be that we have daddy issues, that we hate men, that we’re lesbians, that we seek female supremacy or control, that we hate sex or are sex-obsessed, that we’ve been rejected and are angry as a result, etc.
It is not entirely wrong to say that the political gender gap and its impact on the dating scene is concerning. This entire piece is built upon that concern and the frustration it brings about. The difference is that my concern is not centered on the fall of the “institution of marriage.” This has less to do with concerns about finding “the one” and more to do with one’s hopes for fulfillment, connection, and of truly being seen by a partner.
Will I be able to eventually find a male partner that understands my struggle, or will the misogynist underneath it all always be revealed?
...
This is not the first time I have gotten to the end of an article, piece, or personal statement and not known how to end it. It seems I always come to the following conclusion: the support systems we create for ourselves, however minute they may seem, are crucial to survival and fulfillment in a patriarchal society. Sisterhood and friendships with other women have shown me all that my romantic relationships could be and could amount to; all that was lacking in the past and present. I have also gotten to a point in my healing journey that male friends also contribute to this fulfillment.
The world is burning but we have each other - and that’s more than enough for me. <3
Signing off,
CGM
A “not all men” disclaimer a day keeps the red-pillers away.
A relationship exists between marriage rates and the labor market, though it is uncertain which affects which. Chicken and the egg, so to speak.
Edlund, Lena, and Rohini Pande. “Why Have Women Become Left-Wing? The Political Gender Gap and the Decline in Marriage.” The Quarterly Journal of Economics 117, no. 3 (2002): 917–61. http://www.jstor.org/stable/4132492.
Anna Brown, “Most Democrats Who Are Looking for a Relationship Would Not Consider Dating a Trump Voter,” Pew Research Center, April 24, 2020, https://pewrsr.ch/3bwR7aK.
ibid.
An explanation for the statistics republicans being more open to dating democrats is that republicans are deeply entrenched in their own privilege and have not meaningfully interrogated the oppressive mechanism of their believes, so ultimately view left and right political ideologies as on an equal playing field. Conservatism protects the status quo and what is seen as normative/respectable (being white, heterosexual, middle/upper class, non-immigrant). There is an inherent way of being and those who deviate from it are doing so intentionally and can be convinced, or in this case tamed, back into the norm. Not understanding oppression means that experiences from oppressed groups are just one off instances, not reflections of a larger systematic issues. There is a power dynamic only seen/accepted as reality by left leaning individuals that makes it challenging, if not impossible, to be in a relationship (on any level) with a conservative identifying individual. The blindness of power dynamics is what also leads conservatives to use talking points like “reverse racism” and “anti-woke.”